i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
