if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
