I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
