I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
