3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
