My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize