Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
accomplished twins. life is a go
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
