It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
