Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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