gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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