I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
