i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The air was thick with penises
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
