so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
