He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
People in love make me want to vomit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
