It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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