You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
