I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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