This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
