in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
