Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
