found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
