Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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