Your dad touched me again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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