I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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