OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
