Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
