yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
