: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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