garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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