Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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