dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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