Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
