so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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