I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
