Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
