So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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