I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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