he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
