if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
