Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hippo gnu deer
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
