The maid of honor just puked.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
