i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
