oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
