They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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