Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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