So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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