Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
