It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
