I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
