Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
