we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I love you. Go after that dick
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
