Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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